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Sunday, November 27, 2016

A bit of show don't tell

cj Sez: Time for a couple of show-don’t-tell examples, and these are wonderfully wrought by a master. Take note of the beautiful switch from passive voice to action that carries the reader along with the story.

Tell: The house had a huge and beautiful front yard.

Show:  “The lawn started at the beach and ran toward the front door for a quarter of a mile, jumping over sun-dials and brick walks and burning gardens—finally when it reached the house drifting up the side in bright vines as through from the momentum of its run.”

(Can’t you just see that yard?)

Tell: The windows were open when I entered the room, the curtains flapping in a strong breeze that rattled the ornate picture frame on the wall.

Show:  “I must have stood for a few moments listening to the whip and snap of the curtains and the groan of a picture on the wall.”  

(You know from the whip and snap of the curtains that there is a sharp breeze coming through open windows.)

                        (Quotations from THE GREAT GATSBY by F. Scott Fitzgerald.)

Do these two simple examples give you any ideas for your story? If you changed something, let me know how you did it, won’t you?

Now a word from our sponsor:  
In the six romantic stories that Crimson Romance bundled into a collection called More Than Friends, BFFs discover there's more to friendship than a few pats on the back and lending a shoulder to cry on when things get rough. Following is a blurb from one of the novels:

Sweet Texas Kiss: Gavin Cooper can't wrap his mind around why country music superstar Macy Young would end up inheriting his family home. Seeing his childhood memories handed over to the first woman to break his heart strings. Luckily, Macy can't sell the house for one year - plenty of time for him to find a way to get it back. Can a country star and a country veterinarian find a way to bury their animosity and rediscover their first love in the process?

The Amazon site says the sensuality level for the bundle is sensual. Fair warning on the advertising, my Choosing Carter is not.  

The More Than Friends bundle = six novels = hours of reading for 99 cents!  (And today, the Kindle version is 73 cents! Now there’s a great stocking stuffer for some lucky reader. Be sure to click the URL that follows to find this package, because there’s more than one bundle with that same name.  

Stop back by Wednesday when Lyrical Pens hosts author Kristina Stanley who writes about a new app to help with rewrites.

Okay, you-all guys keep on keeping on, and I’ll try to do the same. And if you’re closing in on the end of NaNoWriMo, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

Choosing Carter  -- Kindle  /  Nook  /  Kobo   /  iTunes/iBook
Deadly Star --  Kindle  / Nook  / Kobo

Amazon Central Author Page:

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